All in and a little crazy.

A recent phone call from my oldest son prompted me to remember a conversation I had with him years earlier during his senior year of high school.

"What's wrong with you?" my son had asked. 

"I think I twisted something in my back dancing at your homecoming dance yesterday. Maybe during the wobble. Who knew chaperoning could be so dangerous?" I said, rubbing my shoulder

"It might be the way you do it," he laughed, rolling his eyes.

"The way I do it? What does that mean?" 

"You know, all in and a little crazy," he said. His smile told me it was a compliment.

His comment caused me to reminisce. I became a little teary-eyed and nostalgic, knowing he would graduate soon. "All in, and a little crazy." I laughed. 

When he was little, I worried I would mess him and his siblings up. As a new mom, I cried to my mother, afraid that this baby would realize one day that I had no idea what I was doing. "Fake it ‘til you make it," she said. I took the advice and have been faking knowing how to parent ever since.

Before you judge me. If we are being honest, we all fake sometimes. Not that kind of faking! Get your mind out of the gutter….. We all fake knowing parenting strategies to connect with our kids.

There were times I felt very ill-equipped for the job. It’s not like school taught me anything on the subject past the biology of creating a child. Carrying around that sack of flour I was given in Home Ec in no way prepared me for the challenges of raising real children who, it turns out, can’t be fixed with layers of duct tape.

I felt my best hope was to seek advice from those who had traveled this road before me. I remember asking older moms, "What works in parenting?" “How can I build relationships with these little people who sometimes seem to be from an entirely different planet?” I received many answers like, "Never let them see you cry," "Wine coolers," and "Stay one step ahead of them." I was not too fond of wine. They had already seen me cry beginning the moment they were born, and as for catching me, I resembled a penguin when I ran. I felt they would pass me immediately if they didn’t die of embarrassment first. So none of that advice seemed to have potential.

My friend Jennifer had a different approach.

"Kids naturally love life and having fun.” she said “They will gravitate towards it like little moths to a flame. Whether it's with you or with someone else is entirely your choice," she advised. "As a mom, you’ll have to say ‘no’ plenty. So when you can, say ‘yes,’ and embrace the moment with them even if it’s out of your comfort zone and feels a little crazy.” She told me with conviction."It goes by so quickly. Be all in and a little crazy." I remember thinking, That I can do.

“Having four kids crazy was clearly already in the mix, so how difficult could implementing this be?” I contemplated

I was already staring at my personal reality show, Say yes to the Mess. If I added a little levity and insanity, what did I have to lose? Besides, I reasoned I could put savings away as a backup plan in the event my strategy failed, and one day they all needed to hire a professional to counsel the crazy back out.

Like Jennifer, I began to look for ways to be “all in.” Not always, but whenever I could, I said "yes" and joined them. So the crazy started.

Yes, to playing in the rain. Yes, to eating popcorn while watching old movies. Yes, to hayrides, corn mazes, and family dance parties. Yes, to campfires. Yes, to attending extremely loud concerts. Yes, to bike rides and sneaking out for ice cream in our P.J.s. Yes, to having friends over, tons of them. Yes, to building forts with every sheet in the house. Yes, to shaving cream fights. Yes, to attempting Call Of Duty and Minecraft. Yes, to shark fishing and crab catching at night. Yes, to scavenger hunts and long walks. Yes, to TP-ing houses and man hunts in the dark. Yes, to Karaoke in the car and telling silly jokes. Yes, to dropping everything to view a rainbow outside together. Yes, to stargazing and skydiving. Yes, to laughing so hard we cried.

Last week, my now grown son called me. "Hey, Mom!  Concert tickets go on sale today. Do you and the rest of the family want to go with us?" 

"Umm, do you even need to ask? I'm putting it on my calendar now," I said excitedly. 

He laughed. "Knowing you, I figured you would want to go," he said. I smiled, thinking he was still inviting me to have fun with him after all these years.

The journey with my children hasn’t always been smooth, but those memories in the crazy are bonds that have become more important, not less, over time. Those experiences with my kids, now adults, have made for some of my life's greatest, funniest, happiest, and most memorable moments. All anyone can ask of us as mothers is to pause and examine what we are doing and why. If a little spontaneity and craziness will make the moment unforgettable, why not?”

Good news! The 'All In, And A Little Crazy' strategy appears to have worked.

Maybe instead of counseling, we can safely put that money toward a little crazy for me. I’m thinking cherry red convertible.

Edited by Rebekah Crozier

Kimberly’s Contact info: avery282@gmail.com